What a week. Up and down, up and down. And not even the fun kind of up and down. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. As I said before, I went to those two funerals. One young man was big in custom bikes and there were more bikers at his funeral than any other culture that I could tell. It was certainly an interesting time. The other funeral, my s-i-l’s brother, was packed. I’d bet there were 500 people there. He grew up in that area and very active in transplant advocacy, sports, and his family. It was a beautiful time. Lots of tears, sure, but still a beautiful time.

As a result of these two funerals, I have made a decision. I am going to do my own funeral. Preach the Eulogy, I mean. I can hear you saying, “John, you’re insane. How can you preach your own funeral if you are dead?” Video, my friend. Video. I am going to purchase a cheap video camera or get a web cam and every six months or so I will update my funeral speech, just in case I go unexpectedly. That way I can make everyone laugh and there won’t be so many tears.

Actually, my kids think it’s a great idea. They want me to put one of those remote control fart machines in the casket with me with a motion sensor on it so if anyone gets real close it’ll go off. I think I’m also going to build my own casket at work and use it as a coffee table until the time comes. That way my wife or kids, whoever is left, won’t need to buy an expensive coffin.
I will have instructions left that my funeral cannot cost more than $500 dollars, not including the food, (the food alone for the several thousand people that will show up would be much more than that.) Then after the funeral I will be cremated and my ashes spread over the lawn of the IRS building in DC. Two reasons for that. They will have gotten most everything else already and it’ll give my family another chance to go to DC and visit the zoo and the Smithsonian.

Ok, enough with my funeral. Right now I’m sitting in Ontario, NY at a service plaza and I can’t move for another 9 hours or so. I’m out of hours and since I’ve been running toll roads all day there’s no way to stretch it out. I’m pretty tired since I was up late last night cause my family was throwing me a b-day party. It’s the big 45 now. Is this middle age or did I already pass it? Sure doesn’t feel like it.

Got some really cool gifts. My wife bought me an XM satellite radio for my truck, which I will probably spend the weekend trying to hook up. I love it! My daughter got me a disc cleaner so that I can clean the DVD’s that I’m burning without having to return them. And a really cool gift was a surprise to everyone, even the friend who bought it. She’s not a big book reader but she heard me say once that I collect first edition books. I don’t have anything real special as far as I know but I love books and maybe some day they’ll be worth something. One of my favorite authors is Larry McMurtry, a phenomenal writer. Anyway, she was in a flea market and bought several books that appeared to her to be first editions. She picked one up by Larry McMurtry cause she remembered the name not knowing anything about the book or the author, just that I liked him. Turns out what she bought for a dollar was a first edition copy of the book “Horsemen Pass By”, the very first book that Larry McMurtry ever wrote. Copyright is 1961. The dust jacket is not in great shape but it is still really really cool. A piece of history. If you’re not familiar with the book, it was made into a movie called “Hud” which starred a very young Paul Newman.

Oh and one more thing. I forgot that my drivers license expires on my birthday and so I sit here in NY with a dead license. I should make it home ok. If not, maybe I'll get sent back to Nevada.

I’m off, have fun, be safe and remember, shiny side up, rubber side down.