Saturday, October 20, 2007

On My Way Home

I left yesterday morning and started out from Rachel, NV. Good thing they fueled my truck. the gas station in Rachel is closed. For good maybe. But the Little A'Le'Inn was open and so I swung in there, picked me up a coffee and an ET Danish, talked with Pat and Connie for a bit, and headed out.

Actually had a drive on the Extraterrestrial highway (NV state route 375) and saw a weird bus with no markings turning up some dirt road headed straight out into the desert. Looked like the "51" folks were headed for work. There were a few "ET" watchers lining the highway with their high tech camera's, but our government has a lot better high tech stuff so they weren't getting too close.

Took the ET highway into Warm Springs and looked around. The bath house was closed but I was able to jump in the hot springs themselves. Apparently folks do not appreciate bathing au natural.

I took RT 6 into Ely and stopped at the Cell Block Steak House for lunch. Got me a little nap and headed out for Salt Lake City. I got into Salt Lake and figured with all the sitting around I'd been doing I could use a little exercise. So I found this walking tour and started out for a stroll. It probably would have been better if I had actually gotten there during the daylight hours. But it was a nice stroll nonetheless. Saw some beautiful architecture and one amazing building that had some pretty cool looking angels with trumpets on top of these really tall spires. Looked sort of like a church or something which is what it turned out to be. Went inside and heard these folks practicing. They didn't sound half bad.

Got back from my stroll, had a snack and headed for bed. Looked like it was going to be a long run home. But I figured since the government was paying my mileage home I might take a few side trips on the way.

Got up early and headed out stopping in Evanston, WY for breakfast at Billy-Bob's Cowboy Chuckwagon. All this good food wasn't too great for my heart so I figured I would slow down some and maybe make some shorter days out of it.

Left Evanston and headed out towards Rawlings, WY. I had heard there was some pretty cool stuff to see there so I figured I would check it out. Te rumors were true. But that will have to follow in the next edition. I will try not to take so long next time. Have fun and stay tuned for more fun from the road.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Quickly Part 3 and the last. It's a long one.

Well, I have been released and I will soon be on my way east. Got a long way to go. But since I was "working" for a government entity for the last couple days, I have to take a few hours off, ten to be exact, in order to get my swindle sheets up to snuff.

Ok, this is it.

I'm looking in the hole and I see something glowing down there. Looks like a big rock but it's glowing like a Lava Lamp. Colors shifting and moving. Not like there's anything alive in there but just shifting colors. at least that's what I thought anyway.

Apparently our government wasn't taking any chances.

What ever it was about 10 feet down in this hole and I couldn't reach it, not sure I wanted to at this point, and so I left it and went back to my truck, got my warning triangles out set them up back down the highway. Since my trailer was unhooked, I set some flares out as well for a little extra light. Not too much later the State Trooper shows up and starts asking the usual questions.

"What happened? Is anyone hurt? What are you hauling? Where's you're log book?" that sort of thing. I tell him what all happened and I think that a meteor hit my trailer.

"You sure it wasn't a meteorite?" he says.

Here we go again. I show him the hole and let him make up his own mind. He gets on the radio and calls it in to whoever they call that stuff in to and says the Chief Trooper will call back in a few minutes.

And then the fun begins. From here on it's a cross between ET and Silkwood. Not five minutes later, and the chief trooper hasn't called yet by the way, a huge black tractor-trailer with no markings comes flying up beside me and stops in the middle of the road, blocking both lanes. I figure that's not too bright, somebody's gonna get hit, but then it dawns on me that since the trooper showed up, no other traffic has passed me. Found out later the road had been closed about 4 miles behind me. Man, they move fast.

The back and two doors on the side of the trailer open up and about 8 or 9 guys jump out in those Tyvec looking suits, all covered up and with the breather masks on and everything. They must do this a lot cause nobody said a word. They all just started running around, each one doing there own particular thing. Four of the guys, and these were big fellows, came over to me and the trooper and grabbed us both up without a word and hustled us in through the side door of the trailer. I glanced down the road toward the hole as I was carried inside and saw the two others walking slowly in the direction of the hole, carrying a large steel looking box between them and looking at something that I assumed might be a Geiger counter or something like that.
The trooper and I were tossed in the trailer where two other guys in rubber suits shoved us toward the back of the trailer. That thing sure looked a lot bigger on the inside than it appeared to be on the outside.

We were summarily stripped of our clothes, without even dinner and a glass of wine first, and forced into a chemical shower of sorts. Ever see the movie Silkwood where Meryl Streep, I think it was her, gets that forced shower after being exposed to radiation? Let me tell you, NO FUN AT ALL!!! And these guys were scrubbing hard. I was as red as a beet when they got done.

Apparently they trashed or burned or sealed up all my clothes cause after they were done scrubbing I was given one of the Tyvec suits to wear, but without the helmet. Guess they figured if I wasn't dead yet from breathing whatever was out there it probably wasn't going to happen. Or if it did, it might solve some of their problems.

The trooper looked just as pissed as I felt. Good thing they took his gun. He looked like he wanted to use it. Anyway, we were both shoved into this little cubicle near the shower, the door slammed and locked behind us. There we were, sitting there looking at each other and wandering what the heck was going on.

"Who'd you call?" I asked the trooper.

"Just my dispatch," he said. "But the chief didn't say anything about these guys." "Well who are they then?" I asked.

"No idea," he said. "Never seen them before in my life. Never even heard of them."

"Hell, I've heard of them before. Haven't you ever seen ET or Men in Black? That's what they look like."

"That's just Hollywood", he said.

"Hollywood or not", I said, "these guys are serious. I'm clean in places I never knew I had."

We sat for a while and just tried to listen to what all was going on outside but we really couldn't hear much. After about 2 hours, or at least that's what it seemed like, the door opens and we are moved to two seats further up towards the front of the trailer. Two of the big guys, still wearing their suits buckled us in and then we heard the truck start moving. It was pretty weird being in the back of a moving trailer. I'd only ever ridden in the tractor, you know. When you're back there in the back and you can't see the road coming at you, you can't roll with the road curves. It's like riding a really slow roller coaster blind. Weird feeling, that's for sure.

But apparently we didn't have far to go. It wasn't to long before the truck started taking smaller and smaller roads until we were finally running on something that felt like washboard dirt. And it was. The truck stopped and the doors opened up again and we are on a dirt road right next to a field that must have been a half mile long, whatever was growing there had apparently been cut recently, and there sits this big helicopter. Now I'm no big fan of flying and I have sworn I would never try a chopper but the Beastie Boys at my back weren't giving me much of an option.

Both the trooper and I were escorted, HA!, more like thrown into the chopper and the big boys followed us in. We took off and headed back east. I leaned forward and hollered at the pilot, "Hey, I just came from there. You wanna take me St Louis in this thing? I'll buy you a drink at the casino." No sense of humor. I watched my truck and trailer get smaller as we flew away.

We landed about 10 minutes later at a small airfield and were hustled off the helicopter and onto a business type jet. Beavis and Butthead buckled us in again and in about 3 minutes we were in the air again, this time headed west. "This is more like it", I said. "I can be in St Louis in no time at this rate. Do we get a movie on this flight? How about a cocktail?" Still no sense of humor. I figured wherever we were going, at least I wasn't driving so that left one thing. Nap time.

I'm not sure what time it was when I woke up but we were landing. I could feel my ears popping and in a couple minutes we were on the ground. Still dark as sin out there so I wasn't sure where we were yet. But when they opened the door and Jeff and Mutt dragged us outside, it was then that I could smell the sage. that's when I figured desert, government, things from space, must be Nevada. Maybe even Area 51.

From the plane to a military style hummer to a big building to a jail cell. Maybe it was a brig since it was all military looking. Not sure what the difference is. Sure didn't seem like much of a difference if there was any.

So there I was sitting in my cell trying to sneak onto my laptop, still hurting from that little hiding game, and here comes this guy in a white coat.

"So you're the driver, "he says.

"Yep. that's me," I said. "And I still haven't been paid for the pizza. Tell them it's cash only."
At last, a small grin. Not much but I can work with that.

"Do you know where you are?" he asks.

"I don't think it's Disneyworld," I say.

"Well, you're right about that. It sure is not Disneyworld."

"So where am I?"

"Area 53"



"Why not 51"

"Because we don't think there is anything living on the meteorite that hit your truck."

"So it's a meteorite, then?"

"Yes, what did you think it was?"

"I thought it might be a meteor."

"Common mistake."

"So if this isn't Area 51 why didn't we go to Area 52?"

"52 isn't working right now. we're having some plumbing problems. "

"Somebody flush ET?"

"No, that would have been 51, remember?"

"So what's the plumbing problem?"

"It took too much water to fill the pool and now the mess hall sinks are dry. Just sucking air. We gotta wait for the well to fill back up."


"Never mind about that. We just wanted to check with you about the meteorite that hit your truck. Can you tell us about it?" "Sure", I said. "I was driving down the road...and lets see...what happened next...oh yeah...A METEOR HIT MY TRUCK!!"


"Oh yeah, meteorite. That's right."

"Is that all?"

"That's pretty much it. After that the Galactic Calvary showed up, scrubbed us inside and out, and whisked us away to this high class resort we're at right now. So where do we go from here?"

"What do you mean, 'where do we go'?"

"What's next?" For a white coat, this fellow sure had a dim bulb.

"We are waiting on some blood work tests to come back and if all is still normal we should be releasing you to be on your way."

"So I'm in Nevada, right?"

"I'm not really supposed to answer that, but yes. You are in Nevada."

"And how am I supposed to be on my way? Last thing I knew I was in Illinois and so was my truck. You all gonna fly me back there?"

"Actually, you're truck arrived about 2 hours ago. If all is well, you can drive back."

"You realize how far that is?"

"Believe me. I know exactly how far we are from everything. It seems like there is nothing to do out here but work."

"I am so sorry for your predicament. You know, if I weren't sitting here behind bars I might have a little more sympathy for you. but alas, this is where I am."

"I see"

"So let me get this straight. If my blood work comes back normal and I don't have any weird crap growing inside me I have the distinct honor of climbing back in my truck and driving an extra 2000 miles in order to get where I was going in the first place."

"Yes, that is correct."

"You mind telling me who's paying for all this. Never mind my time that I have lost but the fuel alone is going to cost me over a grand."

"I guess that's where you get lucky. the government is paying for it."


"Really. You see, since you were picked up in that truck you actually became a ward of the US government until we released you. So we picked up all your expenses as well as paid you at a fair rate."

"And what do you call a fair rate?"

"How about $67 an hour? That is around the clock and already includes hardship pay so don't try to pull a fast one on us by filing for that at a later date."

"$67 bucks an hour? Sounds fair to me." Actually it sounded pretty darn great. So I was going to argue with the doc here too much. Besides, they hadn't really treated me too bad now that I thought about it. Just a few pokes and prods. A minor kidnapping. But I did get a free flight out of the deal and with that sort of money in my pocket I might stop in Vegas on my way back. Never know what can happen there, right? heh heh.

“Alright, you got a deal”, I said. “I’ll just sit here quietly until my tests come back and then I’ll be on my way.”

“Thank you for being so understanding. We really are sorry about this whole thing,” he said. “But you can never be too careful. What with all the stuff coming in every day from space.”


“Never mind. I shouldn’t have said that. Anyway, I’ll let you know when the tests get back.”

It was another hour before Doc came back to me to tell me that I was all clear, no parasitic killer worms growing in my gut, and that I could get on out of there. I gathered up all my personal belongings which amounted to squat since all I had on was a paper suit, and I headed for my truck. Actually, I was pleasantly surprised. Seems they had even washed it for me and when I climbed inside and fired it up I noticed that the fuel gauge was reading full. So the first tank was already paid for. Cool. After getting my bearings and figuring out exactly where I was, which was extremely difficult since neither Area 51, 52, or 53 show up on any maps, I headed for the main road. And I was on my way.

I did sign a non-disclosure agreement that said I would not disclose the location of where I was held so I can’t really tell you exactly where it is but I doubt you would really want to visit them there anyway. Too much poking and prodding for my tastes.

So after I finish getting my hours caught up, since apparently I was on the clock the whole time I was incarcerated, I will be heading home. I’ll try to share some of the things that I see as I head home. As I look back over this I think, man, this looks like it might have been made up or something. Except if that were the case I would probably have a whole lot more excitement in the story. Well, we’ll see.

Quickly part 2

I'm back. the guards came.

Where was I? Bright star. Right. Or Right? heh heh.

I see this bright star in front of me and after a while it actually appears to be getting brighter. Must be a plane or something. I keep my eyes on it. It's definitley getting brighter. not a lot bigger but brighter still.

Now it looks like a bright ball. A lamp light. And then there's this big slam in my trailer. The back of my trailer jumped in the air and scared the crap out of me. Not literally, thank goodness. Nobody else on the road behind me so I hit the shoulder as fast as I can. Which is pretty fast since my rear end is now dragging the ground. (I know, I know). I mean the rear end of my trailer.

I get to the back of the trailer and there is a huge hole in the back door about the size of a basketball. Edges all burnt up and twisted so that it looks as though something burst out from the inside of my trailer. I wrench the doors open and near the front of my trailer there is a similar hole in the roof. I only have two windows in the truck and they're at the front so they are undamaged but the metal is glowing hot and there is a small trail of something burning on the floor of the trailer.

I run back to the front of the truck, disconnect the air and electrical lines, drop the landing gear, pull the king pin, and yank the tractor away from the trailer. I get about fifty yards away and then come back to the trailer. No sense burning up the tractor, right? heh heh.

I dial 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I think my truck was just hit by a meteor or something. Or would that be a meteorite?"

"What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?"

"Actually, I'm not sure. Does it matter at this point? My trailer is burning."

"No, I guess it doesn't really matter. What is your location?"

"I-70 westbound. Mile marker 81. About 20 miles west of Effingham."

"Ok, we will have someone there shortly. Is anyone injured?"

"Not unless someone was riding the meteor. If they were then thy're probably beyond hope"

"Did you find the meteor?......or meteorite?"

"No, and let's just stick with meteor for now until we hear otherwise. It's easier to type."


"Never mind. I'll go look for the thing."

I get back down the road and about a 1/4 mile back I find a big furrow in the shoulder of the road ending in a hole in the ground. Asphalt has been blown everywhere and the hole looks pretty deep.

"What do you see?" It's the lady from 911.

"I'm not sure. I can see pretty far down in the hole and it looks li

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I musgt type quick. no worries about speelcheck. changing of the guards and they don't know I snuck my laptop in here. it's amazing what you can hide on you when you are determined.

As far as I know I am somewhere in the Nevada desert in a military base. At least I think they are military. And I think it's nevada. Could be Jersey. Smells like sage not garbage, so it's probbally not jersey. Not sure. If I quit in the middle of this the gaurds came back.

It's been a long couple days. But i'll try to fill you in.

I was on my way towards St louis last night, Ithink it was last night. Anyway, I had been running in and out of rain and every nopw and then I would see a break in the clouds and the stars would peak through. I'm not an astronomer but I like to watch the stars when I am away from the city.

Everty now and then I will see an extremely bright star and wonder which palnet it is. So the clouds broke and the stars were shining through and there was this really bright one directly in fron t opf me. As I watched it seemed

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I'm sorry

Just another day in the big rig.

Well, almost.

I had had ENOUGH! Ever have one of those days? Apparently I owe an apology (kinda sorta) to a four-wheeler driver in Chicago.

As a big truck driver one of the realities of your job is that you deal with being cut off all day every day. It’s a fact of life. Often it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Some drivers fight back, I know you’ve seen them, blocking lanes to keep the four-wheeler from running up the shoulder and cutting in. Why is this an appropriate action when we wouldn’t think of cutting in front of people in the grocery store check-out? I move slower, it’s a fact of life, and my truck does as well. Fully loaded I weigh 20 times what the average mini van weighs. You can get that off the line in a hurry.

Anyway, I had had enough, as I said. Long day driving to and around Chicago, folks cutting in and out, bumper to bumper traffic, and I was running a later than I wanted so I changed my route and ended up on a road I don’t normally travel.

Get this picture. Sign says right lane closed. I move to the center 2 miles early. No sense fighting. Got an exit I need coming up in 2 ½ miles. I figure the exit is after the lane closure. Get close. Right lane is closed but not the right lane that I was in. It was the right lane that was added when traffic merged from another road. So now I am one lane further left than I need to be and the exit traffic is slowing down to get off and I’m stuck. I signal right, slow down, try to find a hole to fit in, not easy when you’re 80 feet long in bumper to bumper traffic. No one is letting me in. So I did something I never do. If figure “run it on up to the exit and just cut in front of everyone like all the four wheelers do. Sorry, I had had enough, remember?

So I did just that and lo and behold I found an opening right at the exit I could squeeze into. The car didn’t see me coming and had backed off so I had room. I hit the exit, (turn signal on all the way up the row) and he finally saw me wanting in. No way, buddy. You’re not getting in front of me, and so he speeds up to keep me out. Bad move. On his part and on my part. I should have gone on down the road, found another exit and came back. But I had…well, you know. So I just kept on coming. His choices; 1) back off and let me in, 2) stay in his lane and hope that I will not roll over top of him, 3) duck between the orange barrels and get out of that lane, 4) shoot out the tires of my truck.
He chose option #3.

He was not happy with his choice.

Neither was I.

At that exact moment I was sort of hoping for him to choose #2 but about 3 miles down the road I started feeling bad about what I had done. That’s not like me. I’m not an aggressive driver. Usually I’m a really “go with the flow” kind of guy. Just a bad day. But it reminded me that there are a lot of things about driving a big rig that the general public has no knowledge of. And everybody can have a bad day. They don’t understand why we do the things we do sometimes.

Do you wonder sometimes why we do what we do? It’s discussion time.

And to that fellow in Chicago, I’m sorry. Dinner’s on me.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Some random thoughts I have come across

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable...

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition

Broken promises don`t upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

If I could be a bird, I think I'd be a penguin, because then I could walk around on two feet with a lot of other guys like me.

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture.


I have determined that the favorite word of a seven year old is “right?” Yes, with the question mark (?) included. The question mark must be included with the word for it to have a proper place in a seven year olds lexicon. I see you asking why. Why is “right?” such an all-important word to a seven year old? Let me give you some examples.
“The concrete (actually it was blacktop) is warm on my feet, right?”
“If I step in the dog poop that would be gross, right?”
“I can clean my own room, right?” (This one being answered in the negative, actually. At least that is the appearance of things.)
“I once puked through my mouth and my nose, right?”
I have often wondered why kids ask this question when it is actually more of a statement. (See last example.) How should I know if puke came out both his mouth and his nose? Yes, it has happened to me, and the memory of it is not a pleasant one. But that was many moons ago and I doubt my seven year old has been stealing bottles of Old Grandad Whisky. I certainly don’t keep them around anymore. Man, that was one bad ski trip.
Anyway, let’s get back to subject at hand. The word “right?”.
Well, actually, there’s not much more to say on the matter. I guess I was just making an observation. Preston has a tendency to use this word in his sentences as though he were replacing the period with it.
I guess I can deal with “Right?” easier than I can deal with “Snap!” That one just bugs the snot out of me.