Well, I have been released and I will soon be on my way east. Got a long way to go. But since I was "working" for a government entity for the last couple days, I have to take a few hours off, ten to be exact, in order to get my swindle sheets up to snuff.
Ok, this is it.
I'm looking in the hole and I see something glowing down there. Looks like a big rock but it's glowing like a Lava Lamp. Colors shifting and moving. Not like there's anything alive in there but just shifting colors. at least that's what I thought anyway.
Apparently our government wasn't taking any chances.
What ever it was about 10 feet down in this hole and I couldn't reach it, not sure I wanted to at this point, and so I left it and went back to my truck, got my warning triangles out set them up back down the highway. Since my trailer was unhooked, I set some flares out as well for a little extra light. Not too much later the State Trooper shows up and starts asking the usual questions.
"What happened? Is anyone hurt? What are you hauling? Where's you're log book?" that sort of thing. I tell him what all happened and I think that a meteor hit my trailer.
"You sure it wasn't a meteorite?" he says.
Here we go again. I show him the hole and let him make up his own mind. He gets on the radio and calls it in to whoever they call that stuff in to and says the Chief Trooper will call back in a few minutes.
And then the fun begins. From here on it's a cross between ET and Silkwood. Not five minutes later, and the chief trooper hasn't called yet by the way, a huge black tractor-trailer with no markings comes flying up beside me and stops in the middle of the road, blocking both lanes. I figure that's not too bright, somebody's gonna get hit, but then it dawns on me that since the trooper showed up, no other traffic has passed me. Found out later the road had been closed about 4 miles behind me. Man, they move fast.
The back and two doors on the side of the trailer open up and about 8 or 9 guys jump out in those Tyvec looking suits, all covered up and with the breather masks on and everything. They must do this a lot cause nobody said a word. They all just started running around, each one doing there own particular thing. Four of the guys, and these were big fellows, came over to me and the trooper and grabbed us both up without a word and hustled us in through the side door of the trailer. I glanced down the road toward the hole as I was carried inside and saw the two others walking slowly in the direction of the hole, carrying a large steel looking box between them and looking at something that I assumed might be a Geiger counter or something like that.
The trooper and I were tossed in the trailer where two other guys in rubber suits shoved us toward the back of the trailer. That thing sure looked a lot bigger on the inside than it appeared to be on the outside.
We were summarily stripped of our clothes, without even dinner and a glass of wine first, and forced into a chemical shower of sorts. Ever see the movie Silkwood where Meryl Streep, I think it was her, gets that forced shower after being exposed to radiation? Let me tell you, NO FUN AT ALL!!! And these guys were scrubbing hard. I was as red as a beet when they got done.
Apparently they trashed or burned or sealed up all my clothes cause after they were done scrubbing I was given one of the Tyvec suits to wear, but without the helmet. Guess they figured if I wasn't dead yet from breathing whatever was out there it probably wasn't going to happen. Or if it did, it might solve some of their problems.
The trooper looked just as pissed as I felt. Good thing they took his gun. He looked like he wanted to use it. Anyway, we were both shoved into this little cubicle near the shower, the door slammed and locked behind us. There we were, sitting there looking at each other and wandering what the heck was going on.
"Who'd you call?" I asked the trooper.
"Just my dispatch," he said. "But the chief didn't say anything about these guys." "Well who are they then?" I asked.
"No idea," he said. "Never seen them before in my life. Never even heard of them."
"Hell, I've heard of them before. Haven't you ever seen ET or Men in Black? That's what they look like."
"That's just Hollywood", he said.
"Hollywood or not", I said, "these guys are serious. I'm clean in places I never knew I had."
We sat for a while and just tried to listen to what all was going on outside but we really couldn't hear much. After about 2 hours, or at least that's what it seemed like, the door opens and we are moved to two seats further up towards the front of the trailer. Two of the big guys, still wearing their suits buckled us in and then we heard the truck start moving. It was pretty weird being in the back of a moving trailer. I'd only ever ridden in the tractor, you know. When you're back there in the back and you can't see the road coming at you, you can't roll with the road curves. It's like riding a really slow roller coaster blind. Weird feeling, that's for sure.
But apparently we didn't have far to go. It wasn't to long before the truck started taking smaller and smaller roads until we were finally running on something that felt like washboard dirt. And it was. The truck stopped and the doors opened up again and we are on a dirt road right next to a field that must have been a half mile long, whatever was growing there had apparently been cut recently, and there sits this big helicopter. Now I'm no big fan of flying and I have sworn I would never try a chopper but the Beastie Boys at my back weren't giving me much of an option.
Both the trooper and I were escorted, HA!, more like thrown into the chopper and the big boys followed us in. We took off and headed back east. I leaned forward and hollered at the pilot, "Hey, I just came from there. You wanna take me St Louis in this thing? I'll buy you a drink at the casino." No sense of humor. I watched my truck and trailer get smaller as we flew away.
We landed about 10 minutes later at a small airfield and were hustled off the helicopter and onto a business type jet. Beavis and Butthead buckled us in again and in about 3 minutes we were in the air again, this time headed west. "This is more like it", I said. "I can be in St Louis in no time at this rate. Do we get a movie on this flight? How about a cocktail?" Still no sense of humor. I figured wherever we were going, at least I wasn't driving so that left one thing. Nap time.
I'm not sure what time it was when I woke up but we were landing. I could feel my ears popping and in a couple minutes we were on the ground. Still dark as sin out there so I wasn't sure where we were yet. But when they opened the door and Jeff and Mutt dragged us outside, it was then that I could smell the sage. that's when I figured desert, government, things from space, must be Nevada. Maybe even Area 51.
From the plane to a military style hummer to a big building to a jail cell. Maybe it was a brig since it was all military looking. Not sure what the difference is. Sure didn't seem like much of a difference if there was any.
So there I was sitting in my cell trying to sneak onto my laptop, still hurting from that little hiding game, and here comes this guy in a white coat.
"So you're the driver, "he says.
"Yep. that's me," I said. "And I still haven't been paid for the pizza. Tell them it's cash only."
At last, a small grin. Not much but I can work with that.
"Do you know where you are?" he asks.
"I don't think it's Disneyworld," I say.
"Well, you're right about that. It sure is not Disneyworld."
"So where am I?"
"Area 53"
"53?"
"53"
"Why not 51"
"Because we don't think there is anything living on the meteorite that hit your truck."
"So it's a meteorite, then?"
"Yes, what did you think it was?"
"I thought it might be a meteor."
"Common mistake."
"So if this isn't Area 51 why didn't we go to Area 52?"
"52 isn't working right now. we're having some plumbing problems. "
"Somebody flush ET?"
"No, that would have been 51, remember?"
"So what's the plumbing problem?"
"It took too much water to fill the pool and now the mess hall sinks are dry. Just sucking air. We gotta wait for the well to fill back up."
"Pool?!"
"Never mind about that. We just wanted to check with you about the meteorite that hit your truck. Can you tell us about it?" "Sure", I said. "I was driving down the road...and lets see...what happened next...oh yeah...A METEOR HIT MY TRUCK!!"
"Meteorite."
"Oh yeah, meteorite. That's right."
"Is that all?"
"That's pretty much it. After that the Galactic Calvary showed up, scrubbed us inside and out, and whisked us away to this high class resort we're at right now. So where do we go from here?"
"What do you mean, 'where do we go'?"
"What's next?" For a white coat, this fellow sure had a dim bulb.
"We are waiting on some blood work tests to come back and if all is still normal we should be releasing you to be on your way."
"So I'm in Nevada, right?"
"I'm not really supposed to answer that, but yes. You are in Nevada."
"And how am I supposed to be on my way? Last thing I knew I was in Illinois and so was my truck. You all gonna fly me back there?"
"Actually, you're truck arrived about 2 hours ago. If all is well, you can drive back."
"You realize how far that is?"
"Believe me. I know exactly how far we are from everything. It seems like there is nothing to do out here but work."
"I am so sorry for your predicament. You know, if I weren't sitting here behind bars I might have a little more sympathy for you. but alas, this is where I am."
"I see"
"So let me get this straight. If my blood work comes back normal and I don't have any weird crap growing inside me I have the distinct honor of climbing back in my truck and driving an extra 2000 miles in order to get where I was going in the first place."
"Yes, that is correct."
"You mind telling me who's paying for all this. Never mind my time that I have lost but the fuel alone is going to cost me over a grand."
"I guess that's where you get lucky. the government is paying for it."
"Really?"
"Really. You see, since you were picked up in that truck you actually became a ward of the US government until we released you. So we picked up all your expenses as well as paid you at a fair rate."
"And what do you call a fair rate?"
"How about $67 an hour? That is around the clock and already includes hardship pay so don't try to pull a fast one on us by filing for that at a later date."
"$67 bucks an hour? Sounds fair to me." Actually it sounded pretty darn great. So I was going to argue with the doc here too much. Besides, they hadn't really treated me too bad now that I thought about it. Just a few pokes and prods. A minor kidnapping. But I did get a free flight out of the deal and with that sort of money in my pocket I might stop in Vegas on my way back. Never know what can happen there, right? heh heh.
“Alright, you got a deal”, I said. “I’ll just sit here quietly until my tests come back and then I’ll be on my way.”
“Thank you for being so understanding. We really are sorry about this whole thing,” he said. “But you can never be too careful. What with all the stuff coming in every day from space.”
“WHAT?”
“Never mind. I shouldn’t have said that. Anyway, I’ll let you know when the tests get back.”
It was another hour before Doc came back to me to tell me that I was all clear, no parasitic killer worms growing in my gut, and that I could get on out of there. I gathered up all my personal belongings which amounted to squat since all I had on was a paper suit, and I headed for my truck. Actually, I was pleasantly surprised. Seems they had even washed it for me and when I climbed inside and fired it up I noticed that the fuel gauge was reading full. So the first tank was already paid for. Cool. After getting my bearings and figuring out exactly where I was, which was extremely difficult since neither Area 51, 52, or 53 show up on any maps, I headed for the main road. And I was on my way.
I did sign a non-disclosure agreement that said I would not disclose the location of where I was held so I can’t really tell you exactly where it is but I doubt you would really want to visit them there anyway. Too much poking and prodding for my tastes.
So after I finish getting my hours caught up, since apparently I was on the clock the whole time I was incarcerated, I will be heading home. I’ll try to share some of the things that I see as I head home. As I look back over this I think, man, this looks like it might have been made up or something. Except if that were the case I would probably have a whole lot more excitement in the story. Well, we’ll see.
urs. But it was a nice stroll nonetheless. Saw some beautiful architecture and one amazing building that had some pretty cool looking angels with trumpets on top of these really tall spires. Looked sort of like a church or something which is what it turned out to be. Went inside and heard these folks practicing. They didn't sound half bad.
